I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize