i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
now i know why i became what i already was.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
