Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
