sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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