she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
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Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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