people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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