Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
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Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia