So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?