i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!