I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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is this the sara with the beer cane?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!