I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
