Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.