i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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