Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
