He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
