I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
