my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
