after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
