You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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