I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
