the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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