So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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