After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize