Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
