Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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