proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
