So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
