Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
