How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Randomize
