Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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