I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
