3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
