Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
