At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
