hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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