I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
