3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
