My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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