I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
