just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
