I will die if light touches me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You pole danced in your parka.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
