you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
