wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
