Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it hurts more in the daytime
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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