...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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