Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize