She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
COCAINE IS GR8
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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