the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
