Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
