Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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