I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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