Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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