there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
