If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I die, sorry about rent.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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