I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
