I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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