i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
