@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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