the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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