Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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