Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
