Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
