friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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