Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
