question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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