apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
