I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
