i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
