Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
