It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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