Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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