I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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