Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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