Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
