Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
