Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Randomize
