Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
