what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
