Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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